Overheard today...

"Mom! Swiper swiped my underwear!"

You can imagine the rest. That is all.

What I've learned from Indiana Jones

I watched Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull for the second time today. Why? Because this one time when I was on TDY (aka "a business trip") I got to see it in a theatre and my wife wasn't with me. So we rented from our Blockbuster Online account so she could watch it too. That's all. Nothing exciting.

Anyways, getting back to the title of this post, here is what I've learned from IJATKOTCS (wow, that works so much better for movies like "High School Musical" and "Lord of the Rings") and the other Indiana Jones movies.

1. Archeologists are much cooler in movies. Indiana Jones wears rugged explorer gear and has an awesome fedora. I recently saw a real-life archeologist, and he wore running shoes with slacks and tweed suit jacket. The only things he had were thick glasses and an effeminate persona.

2. There is no obstacle that cannot be overcome with a bullwhip. Rocky precipice? Bullwhip. Raging river? Bullwhip. Huge, angry German dude? Bullwhip. That sucker will wrap around anything and then you can swing away. Downside: unlike Spiderman's web, there must be SOMETHING for the bullwhip to wrap around. Upside: Spiderman's web doesn't make a terrifying "KWA-TCHSHHHHH!!" sound.

3. If you fly your plane in a straight line, you will get there faster and without jet-lag. The first time I took an international flight, they kept showing our flight path on the little TV screens. We left Atlanta and the morons took us all the way up past Greenland. I was freakin' exhausted for three days after we landed. They said the route had something to do with the "curve of the Earth" and "shortest route" but Indiana Jones has taught me better than that. We should have taken off, flown a straight red line to Florida, barely hit Florida and bounced off at a 75 degree angle onto another straight red line towards France, bounced off France at one more 45 degree angle and followed the straight line to Germany. We would have been there in 35 minutes, and I would have felt good enough to get in a fist fight with one of the larger, balder Deutchelanders.

4. The bad guys always find an easier route. Indiana Jones gets tossed over waterfalls, jumps out of planes without parachutes, rides rickety mineshaft cars and navigates labyrinths infested with poisionous creatures and booby traps. He fights and falls and problem solves and falls and runs and falls for fifteen minutes before he gets to his destination. And when he finally gets there, after all the blood, sweat and tears, who's waiting for him? The Nazis.

Nazis: "Hello Mr. Jones. We've been expecting you."

Indy: "What the...how did you get here?"

Nazis: "What? What do you mean?"

Indy: "Seriously! How did you get past the poison darts, the pit of lava and the 3,000 undead natives protecting their sacred ground?"

Nazis: "Hmm. No idea what you're talking about. We just took those stairs over there."

Indy: "You've gotta be kiddin' me, there were stairs?! Son of a...I can't believe I didn't see those."

Nazi: "Yeah, they were clearly labeled, but it sounds like you've had quite a little adventure. How did YOU get past all of that?"

Indy: "Bullwhip"

Nazis: "Ahhhh, bullwhip. Good thinking."

Indy: "KWA-TCHSHHHHHHH!! :::exit Indiana Jones:::"

Nazis: "Indy, wait! Darn it, he always does that. All right, back to the stairs, boys. We'll head him off up top."

and finally:

5. Knowledge is worth more than treasure. Indy said as much at the end of IJATKOTCS, and I agree. If Indy didn't have all that cool knowledge about ancient languages, archeological history, spooky legends, dangerous wildlife and advanced survival skills, he would have died long before ever finding the treasure that his knowledge is worth more than. So why is he looking for treasure if he already has knowledge that is worth more? Because he's freakin' Indiana Jones and the Ark of the Covenant attracts more babes than a speech on Mayan culture.

KWA-TCHSHHHH!!!!

Tagged!

IMG_2546, originally uploaded by dtdoyle.

BlogTag2009 is blowin' up, and I've fallen casualty. Here be da rulz...

1. Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer.
2. Select the 4th picture in the folder.
3. Explain the picture.
4. Tag four people to do the same.
5. No Cheating (cropping, editing, etc.)

This is the fourth picture in the fourth folder, and here's the explanation:

It's my hijo numero uno, Aiden. He's looking svelte in his size 6, Mickey Mouse edition Huggies Supreme diaper. It's pretty obvious that he's been throwin' some weights around judging by the well-defined biceps, lats, quads and four-pack abs, and that's probably why he's rockin' the Crest Orajel Toddler Training Toothpaste smile. You'd be smiling too if you looked that good.

That's it! I now pass on the tag. However, since I only know like...two other people who read this blog and regularly update theirs, I'm only tagging two:

1. Capt. Christine Szumko: an outstanding AFROTC instructor and mother extraordinaire.
2. Super secret squirrel blogger: you know who you are.

Thanks for reading. Peath out.

A big "###" on the holiday break

For the last 10 days, I have been blissfully unfettered. No work. No school. No obligations. No pants. Just a long, relaxing break with Kate and the boys. (Just kidding about the "no pants" thing. I'm pretty sure I had a pair on when we went to the mall last Saturday.)

Usually, at the end of a long break, I feel completely drained. The holiday excitement has ended, the disappointment of leaving friends and family has set in, and the adrenaline rush that accompanies getting an "enthusiasic" two-year old through airport security without it having to end in handcuffs or narcotics-grade medication has worn off and been replaced with a pounding headache and a blood-sealed vow of "Never Again". This year was different :)

After 10 days of wearing out my pajamas while hanging out with the family, reading books and playing Wii, I feel completely relaxed (apart from a sore bicep and shoulder from too much Wii Boom Bloxs). While I'm slightly disappointed that the break is ending, I feel confident that I'll be able to return to everyday life with better focus and fresh enthusiasm.

Who knew that vacations could actually be relaxing?

###

Three # symbols, centered directly underneath the last line of the release indicate the end of a press release. Now you can't say I never taught you anything...unless you already knew that.

The exciting things of 2009

Ok, so the new Harry Potter movie isn't what I'm MOST excited about in 2009. However, it's definitely on the list, and it was the first picture I thought of for a lead-in. Now that I'm going through the full list in my head, there are probably better pictures I could use but whatever, I've already uploaded it. Anyways, this list isn't going to be comprised of super cheezy things like "growing as a person " or "confronting the ghosts of my past" or "living and loving". These are events or activities that will have a definite date, time and place. On to the list!

1. The third and first birthdays of our two sons.
2. Kai's first crawl, walk, word, etc.
3. Our third child. Kidding.
4. Aiden starting preschool
5. Our fourth wedding anniversary . Traditional gift: fruit and flowers. Hmmm.
6. My promotion to Captain aka pay raise
7. Our first trip to "New York Citaaaay"
8. The new season of LOST. Err...I mean
9. Being half done with my Master's degree
10. A kid-free vacation...fingers crossed
11. Moving to a new house
12. The new Harry Potter movie. Obviously.
13. Making new friends at a new church and seeing old friends more often (this borders on "cheezy" but it's true and TECHNICALLY it will have a time, date and place.)
14. Buying a new computer and large, flat-screened, HD TV.
15. Getting PRK
16. More paintball
17. Making the final payment on the Honda Pilot we purchased last year :)

I'm stopping the list there because those are the things that came to my head easily. I could spend another 15 minutes trying to get the list to 20, but then why not try for 25, or 30?

:::pregnant pause:::

OK fine, one more.

18. I'm looking forward to more stories like this (transcript below for those who don't speak "excitable toddler")




Aiden: (I gotta) get his binoculars and his spotting scope and his camera and his gun and shoot all those animals away. I hear something, daddy.
Me: What’d you hear?
Aiden: A tiny, a, um a lion coming and starting to eat me...
Me: What came?
Aiden:...and I’m gonna shoot the lion.
Me: Oh a rhin..a lion.
Aiden: Uh huh. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! Oh no. The lion, the lion ran away. Oo, I hear another animal coming. This time it’s big and bad…what you think is coming?
Me: What’s coming?
Aiden: Ooh, um, a sp.., UUM, it’s a little spider.
Me: A little spider.
Aiden: And the sp, and the little spider gets bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger, and BIGGER, and first, it was a giant spider! I’m gonna shoot that giant spider. :::grunts:: Can you pull this trigger so I can shoot the giant spider away, mom?!

END SCENE